It is almost 4:30 am, Thursday morning. I was reading for a while but I didn’t realize that time went so fast. I have two papers to write. Character design in the morning and Multiculturalism in the afternoon, no worries...I hope I can do it.
This is the random thoughts that appear in my mind most of the time. I know I have reasons to live and work as I do have family who expect something from me. That is why; I am still away from home to make some difference in my life while living in this society.
Okai, let me come back to my topic that I have mentioned above. I will definitely say that the God had answered all most all my questions that I have asked so far in my life. May be the god answered me late or very late but still content with right answer that makes me to lead my life further. I am known to be only son born in my family. We were of seven siblings but didn’t survive. At present, I have one elder sister and one younger sister. My elder sister already has family have her own. My younger sister is nun.
When I was young, I remember that my mom always wants me to become “Lopen” teacher and she encourages me to study hard and want me to have good life, so that I can support my family. I remember that she love me the most as I was only son of her. I still remember that how unfair she was to my younger sister when she would dearly welcome me to sleep with her leaving behind my lovely sister. I was grown up in poor family but then my parents never let me down. They served me best meal they ever had. They sent me to school leaving my elder sister at village.
When I was young only, I asked many question to myself but I couldn’t get the exact answer. I have to ask God, every question that comes in my mind and every help that I needed in my life. I was always wanted to complete at least higher secondary school in my life and start looking for job. The God had answered all my prayers and questions. God never let me down.
I will note three questions that I have genuinely asked god to answer me and do favor. I asked GOD to answer and explain me why….? (I will try to talk at the last page). Second, I asked god to at least help me to complete my studies and get a good job. Third, I was emotionally lost at very young age in love. So I have always asked god to give me a chance to marry with whom I love the most at very young age. There are many more questions that I have put up to the GOD. God never fail to answer all my questions but one.
Now, I have completed my schools in Bhutan and I do have a job where I can make my living, I am happily married to my young lover and we have a son and daughter who make meaning in my life. But I do still miss some one that is must in my life. God have never answered me in any forms. Today, I read “The Tibetan book of living and dying” by Sogyel Rinpoche for the third time. I got some answer from there but then I am not really convinced with it. I know that I will not get answer until and unless I have to accept on what I think, accept on what other master said in books, accept the universal truth, etc.
My ambition, never want to become a teacher, but I am because of some one’s prayers (mentioned in fourth paragraph). Never plan to study abroad but I am because of someone who prays for my success. Now..... “How proud she would be at this time of the year when her son attains the age of 27? How proud she would be when her son pursues study abroad? How proud she would be when she have grandchild to see in her life? How proud she would be when her son achieved the ambition that loved by his mom? I feel very sorry to myself not being able to protect you. I still ask myself whenever I go to temple and visit monks that who could answer my question that I have in my mind for decades. “Born to death, meet to part” is nature of life but why GOD didn’t protect you from living this world at very young age. Sometimes, I think that i was too young to ask this question and when i ask this question...i was late. Today, i have fulfilled what you want me to become. but God have't answer to my question. I am sorry to say that my dear mom.
This post is remembrance to my late mother who passed away in the year 1994 when I was attaining the age of ten. She passed away at the age of 38 in Vellore Hospital, India. After 17 years of missing my mom, I still want to know why she left us at very young age. Today, my dad attains 61 years old. All my achievement, success were prayers of my late mother and father at Village. I would have been better person if my mom still alive and how proud she would be ??? We all join together to rest your soul in peace. " I miss you my dear mom".